Luxurious buttery shortbread cookies...in like 15 minutes! Whaaaaaat??

This time of year, I usually start craving shortbread with my coffee or eggnog.  No, not the tasteless little cardboard things topped with way-too-crunchy sugar that you get in the blue holiday tins at Walgreens for $2.  I'm talking buttery fresh shortbread with just the right amount of crumbly soft goodness.  Shortbread is one of those things like homemade croutons:  You think you don't like it, because you've only had the shitty stuff, but then you try the real deal and are blown away.

So here's the quick-n-dirty on how to make real shortbread that will make you roll your eyes and faint.

Cream together 2 sticks of butter with 1/2 cup sugar.  Easy enough.  Add to it 1/2 tsp salt, 2 egg yolks (NOT the whole egg) and 1 tbsp of vanilla extract.  Beat it all together with the mixer.

Toss the mixer beaters in the sink, and stir in (i.e., with a fork or spatula) 1 1/2 cups of flour.  Notice I said "stir", not "whip it like a red-headed stepchild".  Be gentle.  Your shortbread loves you. 

Your dough should look like this [see left pic].  Really smushy. 

That's it.  You're ready to roll...literally.

Divide the dough into two parts, use your hands to pat it into a ball and then roll out.  Forget the rolling pin, just use your hands.  Roll it into a log (THINK: kindergarten Play Doh logs with the palm of your hand...back and forth).  It'll look something like this. 

Then cut into thin slices.  I like my shortbread thin with a little crunch to it.  If you like yours a bit softer, make thicker slices.  Knock yourself out.

By the way, don't freak out if your cookies have a flat side when you slice the dough.  The dough is so soft, the side of the log that touches the counter will flatten out.  Me personally, I couldn't care less if my cookies have a flat side but if that disturbs you folks with OCD, just use your fingers to round it back out after you cut.

So we bake on a cookie sheet at 350 degrees for about 12 minutes.  I lined my cookie sheet with foil (because I'm friggin' lazy and don't like to hand-wash stuff that won't fill in the dishwasher).  I gave it the barest mist of non-stick spray...and I mean like one tiny "poof" from the can.  Too much and your cookies will burn on the bottom.  And we all know there's nothing worse than a burned bottom.  (Insert lewd thought here.)

Again, if you like 'em crispier, add a minute or two but watch them carefully.  They are ready when the edges start to just BARELY darken a tad.  If you wait for the cookies to "turn brown", you're going to be tossing out brown discs to the dog.  Below is how they should look.



Bottom

Variations:  You can kick it freestyle on these quite a bit.  Some folks like to dust them with sugar; others with kosher salt.  I've seen chocolate shortbread, shortbread with raisins or currants, etc.  I'm a purist thought.  If the shortbread is good, it stands alone. 



Things I Learned Today....

1. Put the lid back on the vanilla after you're done with it.  That way, when your clumsy ass bumps it over reaching for the flour, it won't spill all over the counter and drip onto the floor that you just mopped.  (Grrrrrrrrrrr).  Happy news:  My kitchen smells very vanilla-y.
2. Do not ever make shortbread when hungry.  You will eat a ton of dough (INTERNAL LIAR: "Oh, look, that piece isn't shaped just right.  You should eat that.  Uh oh, you're going to have an odd number on that row.  Better eat that extra one.")  I feel a bit queasy.  I'm pretty sure I'll be very unproductive the rest of the day.